This will be the last & final post of this blog.

I started blogging cause i didn't have anyone to talk to. Even though i still doesn't have anyone to talk to, i realised i can't forget you. Not many how many times i told myself to let you go, you didn't move an inch from my heart. For the past few months i read your note in my ipad a few times, and moments before i just came across it again. I'm sorry for the hurt i've caused you, i'm sorry for the mistakes i made, i'm sorry for the tears i've caused, i'm sorry i can't be a good boyfr.

Knowing you, i guess we won't be back together in this life. I don't believe in afterlife or recarnation but i will promise this the next time i'm honored to be your boyfr, i'll treat you the way a typical boyfr will do and even better.

ごめんね。わたしはあなたのずっとあいしてる。

There is no remedy for love but to love more. Henry David Thoreau, Journal, July 25, 1839.

Until now i haven't stop loving you. You're always there, in my mind, in my thoughts. How dumb haslove made me.

I started playing guitar because of you. If  i lost the purpose of my actions. What's the point of doing it?

It has been a long time since i cried myself to sleep. Hasnt seen you for 5mths now, going to be the sixth soon. Wonder what's happening to me. I shouldn't be like this i should be stronger, but now i'm like a clump of rock dangling on a thread. I'm tired, so tired that i would want to sleep and not wake up at all. can i ? It didn't hurt for a month alrdy, but now it hurts so bad every time i stop doing something. Sand should die, Enoch should die, Suna should die. If they don't die i can't protect myself. I need to be strong, i have to, i need to and i must.

Flashbacks coming back, making things seem like it just past moments ago. I have to live with it, i need to if not it's just going to destroy me.

In a blink of an eye, 5 months passed. I always wondered how would i be, what would i do if i did'nt met you. Then i realised how dull my life would be. How many times i said time to let go but i can't. How many times i said time to stop crying but i cried. Losing you is like sleeping without a blanket on a cold night. Talking lesser and lesser as days passed. Maybe i will just get pass internship without making any relationships with people. What's the point of making an effort to make temporary friends. I rather stay alone then trust others. I don't mind living a quiet and solitary life.

sometimes i wish i'm a female, at least they get pampered by people. I fail as a male.

If i have a girlfr right now this is what i'll tell her :

I can't promise the future, but there are things i'm sure of right now. I can't promise you won't shed a tears, but i can promise to make you laugh when you cry. I can't promise bad things won't happen, but i can promise to be by your side through the bad times. I can't promise you won't be hurt, but i can promise to fill you with sweetness to mend the wounds. I can't promise to be there in your whole life, but right now i can promise that i'll be there for you.

Maybe i should have study harder, maybe i have make put more effort. but i'm not regretting about not making an effort. This is what i decide for myself, the pros & cons of it i'm embracing it all. Am i better of alone ? Nobody is better off alone ofcos i know that. but maybe i should be alone, as a compensation of all the wrongdoings i have done. sighh. me & my boring life uhh

Haven't post for a long time. Sorry ! Been lazing around at home this few days. Started to play ro2, too bored at home. Sighhh

We were once walking the same path heading to the same ending. Now we're walking on different path, paths that is parallel.

Headache is such an irritating illness. D:

Any ladies willing to lend me her thighs to let me have a good sleep? :P

How nice would that be right ? hahaha i think i need more sleep, too tired already. Head damn pain also ._.

Any lonely soul out there in singapore who wants somebody to talk to ? Hahaha

A change of lifestyle is surely weird, sleeping at 6-8 waking up at 2-3. Don't know if it's a bad thing or not. This week is the study week break, staying 99% of the time at home unless going out to mahjong. Anyway i tried this memory palace thingy, working fine. Quite a useful way to save things i want to remember, especially for exams and sorts. Testing out for this sem exams ~ hope it works.

Sighh, shouldn't make an effort to think abt relationship stuffs. Meaningless anyway...

Haven't been posting much lately. Sorry. My life is as boring as it is >< anyway ytd i completed 2 items in my to-do list, firstly we made a booking for a genting trip from march 5-7 ^^ awesome much. Travelling with my best friends in poly + jeremy also going along. And valerie & i register for jap lessons at ikoma startimg in 1week time. :D finally can learn jap properly ~

on a side note i hate test that are on a saturday morning ...

Just woke up from my sleep, decided to go a different approach in my lifestyle. I'll sleep around 6-7, then wake up at 2-3 to do my stuffs. Not a bad idea ehhh. Anyway yesterday was not a bad day, i manage to clear 3 dan in resort anthem, pass some hard song like blooming feeling. ^^ but it's still regrettable not able to spend this year valentine with you...didnt manage to do shit for the passed few years. but what's over is over,  hope you enjoyed your valentine's day ^^

Happy Valentines' Day to the small amount of people that read my blog, but if you do read thanks you and hope you enjoy you Valentine's Day. ^^

Plans for today : iidx at century square until school starts at 2. After lesson going down to westmall to iidx. hahaha ikr all the way to the other side of singapore just to iidx, but who cares i got the time. enjoy your 2013 valentine's day people. ^^

What happens to our heart, when love breaks.
Does it fade, into a shadow of remorse when it aches.
Or can it fly to the sky like a bird,
lighter than ever, stronger too, oh
I think our heart always learns to come true/through......

(Instrumentation)

We were the children lost in our own dreams.
We never knew love's a garden and hard to grow.
We thought the magic could lead us upstream.
But we fell; it's not our fault it's how currents flow.

Even though it's hard to know you are leaving this picture.
You remain as a memory of summer/someone when you love.
Even the winter cold feels warm,
shining with life from all I kept inside from you,
that is how the heart can live on and on.........

True Blue lyrics :D nice but hard to play D:

I sometimes really wonder how love truly felt. Maybe we really lose it. The love between us. As time passes we slowly drift away from the feelings we first felt. Maybe from the start we shouldnt be tgt, staying as friends may have a better prospect thn this. But we already come so far, i'm truly glad that you were in my life. I'll still wait for you, not to be together but as friends.

On a side note, i hope i can find origami paper later, as least prepare some V day gifts for people i know. And iidx tomorrow :) spend valentine's day with the arcade as usual. hope can get some achievements.

been lazing around the whole day. i hope things will change when i start attending japanese courses. nobody to go out with sucks damn badly, but i need to get used to it. It'll be this way for a period of time.

recently games seems less interesting as it was, i hope new episodes of anime will quickly come out for me to waste my time. i should make an effort and do well when i start my jap classes but until then i'll live a solitary life.

Just woke up from my nap and realise no schl today ^^

V day coming soon. won't be celebrating it this year, not like it matters. hope every couple out there will have a good v day date and last long ^^

Going amk ltr. sighh don't like amk area. My emotion really haywire alrdy, i just now just cried cause i very tired but cannot slp. I angry at useless stuff also...sighh i need something to control my emotion. My emotion destroying me i swear.

I want to thank God for you. Even though you're not there anymore, i want to thank him for allowing me to meet you. An angel in my life. You came inand change my life, i'll be forever indebted to you. You may not known but you're always the light shining in front of me, being there whenever i'm shrouded with darkness. I'm honored to be called yours once in my life. 曾经拥有好过从来没有. I'll be forever grateful for the memories we made.

so tired...want to take a break from life and rest. wants to stop thinking for awhile. These past few months also didn't game much, has been staring into my computer thinking, or simply watching just to occupy myself. Hate being alone, but reality is harsh right...sighh

fun but tired..but playing mahjong remind me of the first time we mahjong tgt.

Sighh mood hasnt been good these days..dont know why also.. no balance in my mood i guess. Too many negative input, and little positive input. Hate my haywire mood. Hope mahjong will help me. sighh

Watching die hard, damn funny. My cousin book wrongly and went to book the front 2 rows. Anyway until now, today is a bad day damn noisy damn crowded. And there's this pro playing iidx there T.T scary shit. Dont even dare to play...

Noisy as hell seriously. I dont like CNY D:

Heard got alcohol at night, shld i just drink and get drunk and forget everything. Hahaha

wtf you want me to do. throw away everything in the past 3 years ?! all the memories are them all just lies, letters after letters you wrote to me are they just written to made me stay with you ? why can't we just keep the memories as we continue our lives ? we can't be together as an item does that mean we cannot be friends ? if you want me to forget everything in this past 3years you might as well erase my memories. You are in my life, written in my life's book. How can i erase it ?

Do you believe that by cutting off yourself from me, i won't wait ? You asked me to do what i want, and this i what i want to do now.

You don't have to block me on twitter you know. ^^

okay then since we can't be friends, then let us be strangers. Strangers that never even met before. This is the final good bye then.

saiaku. nvm tomorrow got mahjong ^^

sometimes i really feel that i'm not really needed in this world, at least not that i note of. If i can give up my life  for a person whose beloved was dead, i'll gladly do it. Losing you it's like losing my parents, you're that close     to me like my parents are. I can't be sure but i do at least know how the feeling of losing a loved one will be like, so death means nothing to me. Everybody dies, natural cycle of human, if i dies now and dies later what's the difference. To be honest i would rather die now than die later, at least i know if i die now there won't be much people mourning for me. Ofcos i won't seek death, but i don't fear death. Even though i don't know why am i living for, the purpose, the reason, the meaning but i'll continue living for the sake of people that wants to be alive but can't. I'll continue living until i find the purpose, reason, meaning of my life.

Awesome episode 6 from AKB0048 Next Stage ~

Put yourself in my shoes, and you will realise just hard it is just to live another day.

Dislike CNY. Nosiy as hell, crowded as hell....

The ones who love you will never leave you. Even if there are a hundred reasons to give up; they will find one reason to hold on. Unless you don't love the person.

Splitting headache...

How's life ? Are you happy ? Remember to smile in every circumstances whether happy or sad. You decide how your day will be like, a smile will always brigthen up the day. How i hope we can still like what we used to be. But it's okay, everything just for a smile on your face. I know you're close to him. If i can talk to him for awhile, i'll ask him to be good to you. So good that you won't leave him like you left me. The memories of us woll be etched in me.

ありがとうさよなら私わの恋．

Don't know but i'm at this place we use to hide when we just got tgt.

too quiet too quiet. for the past few months my monthly messages didnt even hit 100. I dont even have somebody to share my secrets with. It has been 2months since i last went out with shinyuu. She's forever busy with her boyfr didnt want to disturb her. Bel has hers, val has hers too. I need to keep my distance from val soon, dont want to be a hindrance/burden/obstacle to their relationship. Its a nice and sweet one praying they will last long, longer than mine. Need to get use to being alone soon, can't always rely on others. I'll be waiting and waiting and waiting for someone to find me.

Must always remind myself that my happiness doesn't come my from myself but comes from you.

Don't use words like always and forever. Unless your meaning for always and forever is a few months, which means you'll have to look up the dictionary and find the real meaning of always and forever.

I gave you myself, as a form of contract. You broke it and toss the contract away. Now it's just lying there for someone to pick up.

I may dislike you, but i cant stop thinking about you. It's really hard to let go a 3 years old relationship. buck up sand, i know you can do it.

If can i don't mind staying in a country that always rain. Rains are like tears, overwhelm with sadness. Like a person crying because it hurts. After every rainfall there will be a rainbow, like our sadness. After all our sadness there will always be a rainbow shining on our paths.

woo i pass 2 dan today. damn happy ^^ anyway i really hate being lied to. Just tell me the truth i'll accept. Maybe i'm just reading too much into it or what, but you don't call a girl almost every night to talk to her. And i do know who wj is, i'm not dumb or retard. I don't hate you, it's just your actions disgust me.

If this turns out to be like the first time, I won't want you back anymore. Anyway for stuffs aside, things get pretty happier since i made up my mind. however i still can't sleep, i think i really have insomia or maybe it's just a habit.

P.S I wish you all the best in your new relationship. Sincerely. May you find a good soul partner for the rest of your life. You'll always have my blessing in whatever path you choose.

Revenge is for fools and vengeance a poison.

“The world is beautiful. Even if you're full of tears and sadness, open your eyes. Do what you want to do. Be what you want to be. Find friends. Don't be in a hurry to grow up. Take your time.” — Kotomi's parents in Clannad

Time to wake up from this facade. You don't have to lie to me. Enough is enough.

Okay me promise yourself this. After this week, if she still doesn't care you can't talk to her amymore at all. No more messages no more nth, even if she reply you can't reply her. I know it's hard for you but you gonna do it. It's for her sake and yours. Okay myself? This would be the last promise you made. Okay ?

People say getting a new relationship will let people get over their previous relationship. tbh i don't mind getting into a new relationship, but i'm not breaking the promises i made over trivial matters such as being sad  or etc. I would rather hold on to the promises i made than to make myself feel better.

僕の彼女になってくれる？

need something to stop my constant headache. it's getting worse maybe shld see doctor check if really got problem or it's just my late sleeps. I'll just wait it out for this week i guess. I told her what time i'm free this week she didn't reply, doubt she cares. Maybe this watch anime once every week isn't feasible anymore. Since you're not interested, i also don't want disturb you. need to find something to do constantly to get you out of my mind, if not my headache is going to be a serious health problem.

僕の彼女になってくれる？

Went to 18chefs today, the place you brought me to eat for the first time. still rmb the spicy tomato you ate, and the baked rice that's not very hot.

done most of the projects and such, my life will soon be quiet and boring. when hols start everyone will start working, maybe i can find a job too. i doubt i can go genting also after quarreling with my dad. sighhh....maybe i'll just disappear during the hol like i always did, but this time alone.

僕の彼女になってくれる？

Boring, boring. Everything is boring. If i can sell my boredom i'll become a billionaire
                                                                                                                    - Izayoi from Mondaji-Tachi

cant sleep. tried all i can, but dtill cant sleep. Head pounding. can't find my own place in this world, wondering aimlessly in this busy city.

Naked i came from my mother's womb, naked i depart. The LORD is kind he gives and he takes, to God be all the glory.

僕の彼女になってくれる？

I feel so unwanted, toss aside like trash. even if i disappear everything will just continue. few months ago i still have a place to go if i quarrel with my parents. A place that i can feel that i'm needed, wanted. i want to be wanted by someone.

i already have enough problems.. why is my parents causing more... i said BORROW MONEY, fk off dont say i only know how to take money. -.- maybe i'll just overdose myself with medication.

you can ignore me, hate me, push me away, hurt me all you want, but i'm not going to stop loving you.

Why can't i just stop thinking about you? Why can't i just move on from this broken relationship ? Why can't i stop trying to be friends with you ? You said you wanted be friends, but now i'm trying  more than you even think of us being friends. Like a dog you can push him away every time he comes to you, but when you approach him yourself he'll be so happy that he forgets being pushed away by you.

僕の彼女になってくれる？

okayy nvm. i dont disturb you le. i dont want to try le. if i try more i'm just gonna be a nuisance to you. I dont want that to happen, i doubt you want too.

僕の彼女になってくれる？

msg anyone also never reply....  dont message sua. talk to myself better D:

僕の彼女になってくれる？

I'll keep on praying that you would be back. I know the possibility of us getting back together is less than 0.1. However i will believe in the 0.1. I'll believe in the impossible, cause it is the impossible that bought us together. 

僕の彼女になってくれる？

I hope this works out. I can see your unwillingness. sighh maybe i ahouldnt disturb you at all. I dont want to be annoying to you. Maybe i should just stop msging you, thn you wont be annoyed by me :(

僕の彼女になってくれる？

Heard so many love problems before, solved so many love problems before, in the end i cant even help myself out of the pit i created. such a shame. I just want to be a normal guy, leading normal life, doing my best for the people i love. Is it me or just my face...people i love always choose to leave. maybe it is just me, my attitude and my character. No matter what i'll persevere in waiting for me. I'm not the kind of guys that fight for what he wants, i was taught up by my parents that i can't fight for what i want.  so i'll wait..wait until i can chase you back again. i can't promise the future, but at least for now this will be my plan.

僕の彼女になってくれる？

I want to watch anime with you again, i want to be by your side again. you dont have to be with me. just be by my side as a friend, that's all i want right now.

僕の彼女になってくれる？

need to prepare for you a V's day present soon. Hope this year will be an enjoyable one for you :) miss your laughter lots. i miss showing you vids that you will like, songs you will like, animes you will like. i miss pampering you...

僕の彼女になってくれる？

i still want to watch horror movies with you, play jubeat together, plan little surprises for you. the gap between us just get bigger and bigger, you're further and further away from my sight. It wonder how long  will i still ask you out, more rejections and i wont ask anymore. I'm afraid of rejections, it pains me every time you replied no. but who am i to you, the most i can be is only a hi-bye friend. i don't even have the rights to ask you out. maybe i shouldn't ask at all then if not i keep troubling you.

僕の彼女になってくれる？

still remember you are always afraid that i would leave, saying you will wait for me until i come back to you. but this time i'll doing the waiting part. my heart only belong to you and you along, gave and never to take back. i cant promise the future, but i know i'll wait for you. In an blink of an eye we're separated for 3 months already, i still haven't give up on you though. my stubbornness, to think that even after your answer i still haven't give up.  you protect what's worth fighting for, be it studies, work or relationship. don't make the same mistakes i did. It will always be a reminder for my uselessness.

僕の彼女になってくれる？         

   reading your old blogs, the things you post. it made me realised that i'm the worst kind of boyfr. how i treated you...i really really don't deserved to be loved by someone, anyone.

僕の彼女になってくれる？

I'm like a side story in your life, a filler that nobody cares, nobody watches. However you're the main story of my life. The story that will end my life if it end.

僕の彼女になってくれる？

 knowing your heart have someone else, just pains me. It's like a slicing off a part of me.

僕の彼女になってくれる？

Headaches, headaches and more headaches. I really need a good sleep, a sleep where i know everything is fine and i'll wake up knowing you're still mine. My mistake cost my live, my world and my heart. How dumb i can be....only regretting after she was gone. like those hypocrites, disgusted with myself.

僕の彼女になってくれる？

slowly slowly. love is getting mundane.

僕の彼女になってくれる？

Shutup me. It's your fault, don't blame others. learn to live with the mistakes you made.

僕の彼女になってくれる？

Sometimes i feel like i'm an substitute for your lack of freedom.

僕の彼女になってくれる？

Can i fight for something i want ? Can i chase you this time ? I'll let you fall in love with me all over again.

僕の彼女になってくれる？

Can we go back to the past ? Where it was just me and you. Maybe we started in a wrong path, or continued in a wrong path but all that's matter is that we ended in a wrong path. I'll give up all my memories with you, just to have another chance of knowing you for the first time. Everyone may say i'm not fault, but i know that i caused you to make this decision. For you to ask for a break up of a 3 years relationship, i always wondered how much have i hurt you.


僕の彼女になってくれる？

Going back to the corner where I first saw you
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag, I'm not gonna move
Got some words on cardboard, got your picture in my hand
Saying if you see this girl can you tell her where I am

Some try to hand me money, they don't understand
I'm not broke I'm just a broken hearted man
I know it makes no sense, but what else can I do
How can I move on when I'm still in love with you

'Cause if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be
Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet
And you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street

So I'm not moving
I'm not moving

Policeman says son you can't stay here
I said there's someone I'm waiting for if it's a day, a month, a year
Gotta stand my ground even if it rains or snows
If she changes her mind this is the first place she will go

'Cause if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be
Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet
And you see me waiting for you on the corner of the street

So I'm not moving
I'm not moving
I'm not moving
I'm not moving

People talk about the guy
Who's waiting on a girl, oh whoa
There are no holes in his shoes
But a big hole in his world

Maybe I'll get famous as the man who can't be moved
And maybe you won't mean to but you'll see me on the news
And you'll come running to the corner
'Cause you'll know it's just for you

I'm the man who can't be moved
I'm the man who can't be moved

'Cause if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be
Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we meet
Oh, you see me waiting for you on a corner of the street

So I'm not moving
('Cause if one day you wake up, find that you're missing me)
I'm not moving
(And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be)
I'm not moving
(Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet)
I'm not moving
(Oh, you see me waiting for you on a corner of the street)

Going back to the corner where I first saw you
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag, I'm not gonna move



僕の彼女になってくれる？

Knowing you're not at my side anymore. There's is no problems between us right ? We didn't quarrel much and such. Thinking back, it may be my fault too. My insensitivity, my laziness, my ignorance, my harshness, my hot-temper, my unromantic actions, my thoughtlessness,  me. Knowing that  my girlfr will stop loving me. The feeling of a million daggers stab right into my heart. I know i'm not perfect, full of flaws. I'm sorry for my flaws, for my incapablities, for my uselessness, for my attitude, for my behaviors  and for not loving you more than you did. You may not know from my actions, but to me you're everything. My dreams, my hopes, my wishes, my life, without you i won't know what to do with my life. I always thought that you'll be my soul partner for the rest of my life, living with you, spending the rest of my life showered by your love but all these are just an illusion covering the harsh reality. Crushed dreams, crushed hopes were all that's left after 18oct. I still love you, in these 3months i didnt even spend a minute awake not thinking about you. i really want you to come back, you can mistreat me anyway you want i dont mind. haha such a weak person i am.

Most importantly you stay happy. If you're happy, all the pains i felt, all the tears i cried would be worth it. All for your smile. I'll give up anything for a smile on your face.


僕の彼女になってくれる？